22 March, Friday — Whose grasp are you trying to escape from?

Friday of the 5th Week of Lent

Jer 20:10-13
Jn 10:31-42

“… then you will know for sure that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.”

All young children like to play ‘Hide & Seek’, and even young toddlers play the first version of that childhood game, where they close their eyes, or hide their eyes behind their hands. At this point, the toddler cannot see you and honestly believes that you can’t see them either. They believe they are escaping your vision — so as good parents and big brothers and sisters, we play this fun little game with these innocent ones.

I remember when I was in the third grade, an older (fourth grader) friend told me that Santa was really our parents. I didn’t want to believe it (because I thought the presents would stop coming) so I made it a point to be VERY EXCITED as I opened all my gifts that year – as I didn’t want to escape from continuing to receive all the gifts from Santa. I clearly remember acting VERY EXCITED when I opened a half slip (in the 1960s all females wore slips under their dresses) that I was not excited about. When I opened that box that contained a slip, I realized my friend had told me the truth — that my parents were indeed, Santa Claus. But I kept pretending that I believed, because I didn’t want to escape from this childhood celebration that benefitted me. 

Many of us…. most of us… perhaps all of us, continue to play this game in varied forms as we age, don’t we? 

We want to escape the consequences of our actions, so we lie about them. I wasn’t there, I didn’t say that, I thought you said I could, etc. We escape into a world where ‘it doesn’t really matter; no one really got hurt; it’s no one’s business; what difference does it make?…’  And, when dealing with family, friends, coworkers, or our boss, we often can ‘get away with’ hiding, with escaping, can’t we?

Sometimes, we even try that with God – at least I have. It is so easy to justify the things we do and don’t do – so easy to pretend that God doesn’t see or know what we are/aren’t doing, what is in our mind and hearts. We want to escape His eyes from seeing our sins. So, we hide from Him, we ‘escape’ Him by turning less and less often to Him. We stifle the truth, we muffle the truth and we close our ears to the words of Christ and our Church. And the more often we do that, the more we truly begin to believe that we are hiding or escaping — that we won’t be held accountable, that our actions don’t really matter, that it really isn’t a big deal. We truly think we are escaping God as we cling to the world. 

We forget – or don’t believe — that we are a big deal to the God, who has limitless love for us. We escape looking at Him, even when we proclaim to be one of His flock. We are putting our hands in front of our eyes and trying so hard to believe that God can’t see us. I know that for me, when I (try) to escape looking at God, it is because I really don’t want to look at myself. This prayer, inspired by St. Teresa of Avila, is one I pray most mornings as I see myself in it.

Lord Jesus, I don’t know all the reasons I avoid looking right at you and focusing on you. Maybe I’m afraid that you’ll judge me or be disappointed in me, and so I don’t want our eyes to meet. Maybe I really do care about a lot of other things more than this relationship with you. And if I don’t, care enough, why is that? What gets between us? I know it’s not anything to do with you, that you continuously invite me into conversation and your presence. I believe that you desire me and seek me out. Why don’t I desire you more? Why don’t I seek you more earnestly? Help me with this, please, because I cannot help myself. Amen.

I wanted to share this powerful prayer as we approach Holy Week, in the hope that I, we, will make daily time this week to sit longer in quiet reflection with God, like Jesus did. You see, the difference between our escaping and Jesus escaping is simply opposite. Jesus is escaping the world to be WITH His Father. We (try to) escape God to be with the world. 

I pray for myself, and you, that we too will imitate Jesus Christ and know that we are God’s beloved.  That we will desire to escape to Him, so that we, too, will know His love and live in the words of Christ in today’s gospel, “…so that you may realize and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.”

(Today’s OXYGEN by Gina Ulicny)

Prayer: Father God. I desire to be with You, not away from You. Help me to walk this desire out – to look at You and allow You to look at me. Give me the deliberate desire to confess my sins to You instead of hoping that You don’t see them. Father, help me in my desire to be who You created me to be and not who this world entices me to be.

Thanksgiving: Father God, thank You for the gift of confession. Thank you for your limitless love. Thank you for giving us the Savior. Thank you for this season of Lent and this HOLY, HOLY, HOLY Week — a time to draw closer to You so that we may rest in Your enveloping arms of love.