26 May, Sunday — Have mercy on those who doubt.

May 26 — The Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity

Deu 4:32-34,39-40
Rm 8:14-17
Mt 28:16-20

When they saw him they fell down before him, though some hesitated.

In today’s Gospel reading, the eleven disciples journeyed to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had arranged to meet them. When Jesus appeared to them, they worshiped Him, “but some doubted.” They hesitated. The disciples were conflicted, feeling doubt despite their belief. Imagine their turmoil — having witnessed Jesus’ death, they struggled to comprehend that he was now resurrected and standing before them.

It is natural that they experienced both worship and doubt. For the disciples, worshipping Jesus was an instinctive response. They had witnessed his execution and burial, believing his death on Good Friday was the end.

It’s easy to think we might have reacted better than the disciples, but we shouldn’t be quick to judge. We have encountered Him in many ways in our lives. But did we believe? You might find us in good company when we, along with our brothers and sisters, also grapple with doubts. The remarkable and comforting truth is that some of Jesus’s first disciples, despite witnessing so many incredible events first-hand, still doubted. So, is it any surprise that some of us also experience a wavering, hesitant uncertainty — doubt — about the reality of what we have seen, heard, and experienced?

For twenty-one years, I practiced Catholicism much like many others — attending Mass every Sunday and observing the holy days of obligation. These practices felt more like duties than acts of faith. Did I truly believe that Jesus Christ was present in my life? Well, yes and no. I believed in my head, but not in my heart. Not until 2013, when I experienced a profound encounter with Jesus and the Holy Spirit during an inner healing retreat. Even then, I found myself asking, “Is this really happening?” I doubted and hesitated.

Jesus does not scold the disciples for their doubt. Just as he did not reprimand me for doubting. Instead, he acknowledges their doubts and addresses their faith. He knows their weaknesses, yet he still entrusts the disciples with his mission. How amazing! Jesus worked through these imperfect disciples, which reassures us that he can work through us as well.

Since that encounter, my life has been completely transformed. While I wouldn’t call myself a ‘super’ Catholic, despite my failings and weaknesses, Jesus has used me in ways I could never have imagined. For nine years, I gave my all to serve in various capacities within the wider church. It was gratifying and fulfilling, seeing how the little I did helped others walk closer to God and find healing.

In 2020, I found myself utterly exhausted and empty. Disillusioned and angry, I felt as though Jesus had died in my heart, much like the disciples must have felt on Good Friday. Personally, I was facing numerous changes and was in a very dark place. It seemed as if God had led me in circles and used me up. As a result, I left the ministry.

Be merciful to those who doubt (Jude 22).

Once again, Jesus did not reprimand me. He was merciful to this wayward disciple, continually moulding and transforming me little by little. Though I still have many questions and doubts, I firmly believe that our God is real and Jesus Christ is alive. I may not be the finest tool in His shed, but He is still able to use me as His instrument to do His work.

So, brothers and sisters, while we may hesitate and doubt, let us just open our hearts to where the Lord leads us. Each day, if we are attentive to the movements of the Holy Spirit, we can see and feel God’s hand directing and moving in our lives.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Geraldine Nah)

Prayer: Heavenly Father, with grateful hearts, we reflect on our faith journey and the disciples’ path. Holy Spirit, enter our lives, guiding us daily. Strengthen our faith amid doubt, reminding us of Your love. Use us as vessels of healing and love.

Thanksgiving: Father, we thank You for the disciples’ example, showing Your power through their doubts. Your endless grace empowers us for Your mission. Thank You for never abandoning us. May our lives reflect Your mercy, always seeking Your will. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.