13 May, Tuesday — My God knows me

Tuesday of the 4^th Week of Easter

Acts 11:19-26
Jn 10:22-30

When he arrived and saw the grace of God, he rejoiced and encouraged them all to remain faithful to the Lord in firmness of heart.

As I sit with today’s readings, I find myself feeling exposed and humbled. The verse from Acts speaks deeply to me: “When he arrived and saw the grace of God, he rejoiced and encouraged them all to remain faithful to the Lord in firmness of heart.” And then, in John’s Gospel, Jesus says: “But you do not believe, because you are not among my sheep.” These words stir something raw and uncomfortable within me.

The truth is, my heart feels far from God. It’s a difficult—almost shameful—thing to admit, especially after the Church has just journeyed through Lent and the Easter Octave. This year, I did not offer my usual sacrifice of abstaining from meat. There was no clear discipline, no spiritual rhythm. And when Easter came, I could not bring myself to celebrate with joy. I felt I did not deserve it. How could I rejoice when I had not journeyed through Lent ‘properly’?

But the Lord, in His mercy, gently reminds me — Lent is not a checklist of sacrifices, and Easter is not a prize for good behaviour. It is about the condition of my heart. It is about grace—grace that meets me in my ordinary, undeserving, and even messy places.

When Barnabas arrived and saw the scattered believers, likely tired and uncertain, he rejoiced—not because of their perfection, but because he recognised the grace of God at work among them. He did not judge their spiritual progress; he encouraged them to remain faithful in heart. That speaks directly to me.

I’ve been distracted. Spiritually dry. Emotionally distant. I’ve let the noise of life drown out the voice of the Shepherd. And in my weariness, I ask myself: Have I stopped listening altogether?

Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” That line stays with me. It’s not about always being spiritually ‘on fire’. It’s about listening. Following. Trusting. It’s about being known by the Shepherd—even when I feel lost, tired, or unworthy.

And somehow, that brings comfort. I do not have to pretend. I do not have to earn my way back. I just have to turn my heart toward Him again. His voice still calls. His grace still reaches. He still knows me and claims me as His own.

What I need is not a grand act of recommitment, but a quiet return to the Shepherd with a willing heart. To trust that His grace is still present, even when I can’t feel it. To believe that no one—not even my own sense of failure—can snatch me out of His hand.

So today, I begin again. Not because I’ve earned the right to, but because He invites me to. Because He loves me without judgement. Because He never stopped calling.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Geraldine Nah)

Prayer: Lord, in the silence of this moment, I turn my heart back to You. Even in my weakness, distractions, and doubts, You remain faithful. Help me to hear Your voice again, and to follow You — not with perfection, but with trust. Teach me to rejoice in Your grace, to rest in Your love, and to remain faithful with a heart anchored in You. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Thank You, Lord, for calling me even when I’ve wandered. Thank You for Your mercy that meets me not with judgment, but with love. Thank You for never letting go, and for reminding me that Your grace is always enough.

Picture: ‘Found’ by Yongsung Kim, https://havenlight.com/products/found-by-yongsung-kim