Wednesday of the 4th Week of Lent
Isa 49:8-15
Jn 5:17-30
“…because my aim is to do not my own will, but the will of him who sent me.”
Today’s Gospel reading comes from Jesus addressing the Pharisees and Scribes after they found Jesus curing a man who was a paralytic for thirty-eight years. They could only concentrate on the frivolous rule that they implemented about work on the Sabbath. Yes, we should rest on Sunday, but the Pharisees added all these other rules that were not passed down from Moses, just to show their ‘faithfulness and piety’. Because Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath and told the man to ‘pick up his mat and walk’, the Pharisees and Scribes wanted to get rid of Jesus. When Jesus answered them “My Father is still working, and I also am working.”, the Pharisees and Scribes wanted to kill Jesus all the more, not only because He broke the Sabbath, but called God, ‘Father’, making Him a Son and equal to the Father.
That is the backdrop of the Gospel reading for today. It is a long reading, with Jesus answering their questions and telling them that He is the Son of God and that those who believe in Him, believe in the One who sent Him and will have eternal life. There is a lot more to unpack in this reading…way beyond the scope of this reflection.
There is one verse that really hits home for me, particularly during this Lenten season. “…because I seek to do not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” Our Lord said this to the Jews as they criticized Him and plotted to kill Him. Knowing what He was going to face in the near future, Jesus remained unwavering in His resolve to do, not His own will, but the Father’s will.
I ask myself; do I take the unwavering attitude in doing the Father’s will? The answer is a regrettable ‘no’. I would honestly like to say ‘Yes, I do’, but I know that to be untrue. As Jesus warned His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane to watch and pray to avoid temptation, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”; likewise, I so want to do God’s will, but find myself doing the opposite most of the time, especially when I perceive the Father’s will to be difficult and counter to what I want.
I think my issues are multi-faceted. The picture only became clearer for me with the many Lenten reflections available for Catholics. First and foremost, is how I see my life. That is precisely the problem — the ‘I’, ‘My’ that dominates the heart and mind. As Bishop Barron said, ‘Our lives are not about us’; we are on borrowed time and only stewards of our money, talents, and this world. Nothing truly belongs to us in the truest sense of the word. Everything is given to us as a gift to be used in serving God and others. But I ended up serving myself first. I certainly doubt that is doing the Father’s will.
The second issue is who I imagine God to be. Have I pigeon-holed God into my image of a vengeful God, whom I must appease for things to go smoothly? Or a ‘push-over god’ whom I can negotiate or bribe to get my way? When things don’t go according to my plan, do I think that it is some sort of punishment because I have offended my God? Do I whine to God to have my way? When I fall, do I ‘apologize’ because I fear the consequences of my actions or because of the damage to self-image? Or am I truly repentant because of how my sins have offended my God, whom I should love above all else, and would like to repair my relationship with God. Do I really see God truly as Jesus described — a merciful, loving Father who longs for us to be close to Him, to spend eternity with Him? A father who is standing at the door, watching, waiting for the return of his children?
Until I can really see God as Jesus taught us, until I can truly live my life like it doesn’t belong to me but to our God, until I see my sins in the light of offending our God and not inward focused, I don’t think I can be unwavering in my intention to do our Father’s will. But then, conversion takes time. It is a wondrous thing that our Heavenly Father has patience, mercy and love beyond our imagination. Note to self, don’t wait too long to change, for I don’t know what is in store for me tomorrow — I may just have to face my God just as I am.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Winnie Kung)
Prayer: Our most merciful Lord, You are the Lord, the Anointed One, the Messiah and You are God’s judgment. Please teach us and guide us in how we should truly see and relate to the Heavenly Father, and how we should live in this world, but not of this world; so that we too, can imitate you and not do our own will, but to do the Father’s Will.
Thanksgiving: Heavenly Father, thank you for Your patience, love and mercy. Your judgment is just, yet You are ever merciful and loving. Like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, You are waiting for our return and ready to embrace us and forgive us when we repent earnestly. ‘Thank you’ does not begin to express our deepest thanks for all that You have done for us.
OXYGEN 
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