Wednesday of Holy Week
Isa 50:4-9
Mt 26:14-25
…I made no resistance, neither did I turn away.
Some people fast from chocolate or social media during Lent. Some people fast from TV. Some people eat one meal a day. For years now, my Lenten fast has been the same — I try to fast from Anger. Most years, it’s a pretty mixed effort and by Holy Week, I am emotionally drained and ready to throw it all in. So this year, I thought I would try the Hallow app as a sort of companion to keep me accountable, to enforce the discipline of a routine. Like a coach, in some ways, but unlike spiritual directors, a presence that is more passive. They say that a habit can form in 40 days. So I thought I would test it out. Routine works for my dog after all, so why not me?
The app is more populated now than I remember it ever being. I listened to stories of surrender, stories of patience and perseverance, stories of struggle. Though initially sceptical, I found the rhythm of a daily Hallow routine…comforting. That was unexpected. One never expects to get ‘comfort’ during Lent. I prayed the Rosary regularly, a first for me. I prayed the Liturgy of the Hours regularly, another first for me. It took effort, to carve the time out and stick with it. I fell off the saddle a lot and ‘broke my streak’ as they say in app-speak. Sometimes I fell asleep mid-prayer. Sometimes I got distracted. But I kept going because, well, I am a product of our digital age, and that’s what you do?! There were a lot of challenges keeping to my Lenten fast, even with the app. Anger is my great weakness, something I have been working on for decades now. Maybe this is what happens during Lent, but there seemed to be no end of people and circumstances to trigger my rage. Lots of times I wanted to lash out, but the calm repetition of the Rosary helped me to breathe. I hardly ever say this about anything on my phone, but I am grateful I downloaded Hallow. God found a way to speak to me, to reach out in a language I would understand, and in a way that would resonate with me.
“For my part, I made no resistance, neither did I turn away. I offered my back to those who struck me… my face against insults and spittle” (Isaiah 50:6). I won’t say that I did not think of rebelling, of turning back and giving up on my fast. But I think with Lent, the journey and the struggle is part of the prize. The little revelations that occur in the quietude of prayer, the pain of failure, the frustration of trying again and again, all of that, I think, is the point of Lent. As we approach the end of Holy Week, let us all pause, and take the time to softly and slowly consider our own journeys. However we have come to it, whatever our fast, let’s take this week to look back on how we’ve come through these 40 days. The good, the bad, the successes, the failures, the try-fail-do over-repeat of our endeavour, all of it. The struggle is part of the journey. The pain is part of the journey. I’d like to think God sees it all, all our efforts and intentions.
Wishing everyone, all our readers and writers, a blessed Holy Week.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Sharon Soo)
Prayer: We pray for a deeper understanding of our faith, and a renewed relationship with God as we enter this Holy Week.
Thanksgiving: We give thanks for all the inspired ways God meets us in our lives. We give thanks for His faithfulness, His grace, His deep love for us, and His unending forgiveness.
OXYGEN 
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