13 March, Friday — The. Struggle. Is. Real.

Friday of the 3^rd Week of Lent

Hos 14:2-10
Mk 12:28-34

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You must love your neighbour as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.”

I always struggle when I come across this passage. In my mind, I know that basis of our Faith is to love God and love Neighbour. On a mental basis and on a practical level, it’s somewhat easy to love God. But when asked to translate that love for God into loving our neighbours, then the struggle begins. And I tell you…the struggle is real.

I struggle with this all the time. I find it so difficult to love my neighbour, especially those that are inconsiderate, impolite, self-entitled, even those who wear ‘ugly shoes’… I know it’s my pride that prevents me from being a better version of myself. I want to change, I do. It’s one of my habitual sins that I take to the confessional, and after confession, all is good for a while, until I start again to notice the sounds and behaviours of the environments that I am in.

It usually starts with the small things… That email that I sent a week ago and still no reply. That loud, irritating, notification tone from that Samsung smartphone used by a particular person, that person that doesn’t move from the exit bay to the rear of the bus. That shrill, irritating voice in the office… The list goes on. And I stumble again.

Every Lent, the readings remind us to turn back to God, to spend time in prayer, gain discipline from fasting and practice almsgiving. And we are also encouraged to reflect on those behaviours/habits that we can change, so as to bring us closer to God. I aspired at the beginning of Lent to spend more time in prayer, and to reflect my struggle with this particular sin. It’s been three weeks in now, and I am as far away from the answer than I was at the beginning of Lent.

One possible reason could be my upbringing. I was told, when I was very young, that I needed to be independent and not to trust or rely on anyone. I guess my mum gave me this advice as she wanted to protect me. So, my independence led me to read as much as I could, from fiction stories to the Encyclopaedia Brittanica. I was a voracious reader and really enjoyed reading anything I could get my hands on. I absorbed knowledge as if I was a sponge, and I was secretly pleased when people did not know how to pronounce ‘ghoti’ (it’s fish). I knew that very few people could match my general knowledge and this gave rise to my pride and my quick judging of people. It’s like if you cannot match my speed of thought, then you are not at my level, and this led to me being described as aloof and arrogant.

But the ironic thing is…I do actually enjoy helping people. Whenever I see tourists looking left, right and holding onto a map. I will invariably go up and ask if they would like some help. More often than not, if there is a request for help in the office or in ministry, I would try my best to see if I can assist. So I ask myself, how can I be so willing to help strangers; but whenever someone familiar does something that triggers me, I know my impatience rises up and then I fall. Again.

In 1 John 4:20, we read: “If any one says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

I am cut to the heart.

It is so true, isn’t it? How can we love God and not love our neighbours too? It is not an either or situation. So, what can I do?

Well, I still have 3 weeks of Lent to go.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Calvin Wee)

Prayer: Heavenly Father, You sent your only Son to be our redeemer and to show us the path to our salvation. Grant us an open heart to hear your voice and an open heart to follow the path that you will lead us on. So that we will be able to love and serve you more. Amen.

Thanksgiving: Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of life and love. Thank you for the difficult situations that you place us in so that we are in a position to trust you more and not to be able to rely on our human abilities. For you are all powerful and all loving and we love you Lord. Amen.