26 March, Thursday — On Dementia  

Thursday of the 5^th Week of Lent

Gen 17:3-9
Jn 8:51-59

“Who are you claiming to be?…

My father-in-law is battling dementia. The speed at which he is slipping, is terrifying. He was fine, and in full control of his faculties only 3 months ago. But he had a fall, and now, seems lost and confused, easily agitated, and unable to grasp simple things.

Our family is trying to come to terms with this new normal. I think he is too, through the fog of his diminished cognition. Dementia is an indiscriminate wrecking ball. It is the disease of two deaths – the first, when one’s identity is taken; the second, when one’s mortal body gives up the fight to live. It feels like he is in the second or third innings of the first.

“Who do you make yourself out to be?” What is the identity and the life you have built for yourself? What are your memories, what is your narrative, your history? You can rage and blaze, cry fierce tears, curse life’s injustice, resist ‘the dying of the light’. Dementia will strip it all away.

“Whoever keeps my word will never taste death”. What does letting go and allowing God to take the reins look like, when one has dementia? On the good days, assuming he is not mired in doctors’ appointments, he probably does try to do the work of self-reflection. But on the bad days, when his mind is clouded over, he knows only fear and urgency. God must seem very far, then. What happens to one’s soul when one has dementia? When he is finally released from his mortal coil, will he remember who he was? At what point is his consciousness preserved – before his illness, after it, or somewhere in between?

I feel for my father-in-law, who must be so frightened, but for whom anger is the only response. I feel for my mother-in-law, who is doing her best to dam up her grief, and put on a brave face for the family. And I feel for my husband, who has so much still to say to his father, but cannot find the words, so uses effort to communicate his love.

I feel powerless, helpless, at a loss for words. I offer all this up to God. It is the only thing I know to do.

(Today’s OXYGEN by Sharon Soo)

Prayer: We pray for God to show our family a path forward. 

Thanksgiving: We give thanks for all the memories we have been able to bank before this. We give thanks for all the milestones we have experienced and pray for the fortitude to get through this.