Monday of Week 12 in Ordinary Time
2 Kgs 17:5-8,13-15,18
Mt 7:1-5
“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How dare you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own?“
Today’s gospel passage is the very well known and oft-quoted passage of “judge not lest ye be judged”. It is also, unfortunately, misunderstood most of the time. This passage is used frequently to admonish those who judge others, by claiming that everyone is a sinner, therefore no one is in any position to make any judgement on anyone else. Yes, it is true that only God can judge us. It is also true that we can judge actions as right or wrong. And it is very true that we judge actions while, at the same time, falling short ourselves. Does this make us hypocrites? Perhaps. But there is a difference between recognising that we ourselves are also sinners and trying to do better, and simply having rules for thee but not for me. We need to be the former. It is not loving to watch others drown in sin just because we do not want to come across as unkind or hypocritical. This passage, and what it means, has already been discussed ad nauseum. So today, I would like to look at it a little differently — this passage is a call to heal our wounds.
I had recently come across an Instagram post that suggested the reason we judge another’s behaviour is due to a wound we have not addressed. Being critical of someone else is indicative of us having been deprived of that same ‘enjoyment’ and, we therefore now, have a negative reaction to seeing it. This is not the first time I have come across posts suggesting that overly critical reactions — towards others and towards ourselves — are telling us about our unhealed wounds from childhood. And indeed, if we look carefully at how we were raised, how we grew up, the things we did to gain approval, we will see how we eventually controlled ourselves — and convinced ourselves — that we needed to act in specific ways that were regarded as correct. Anything to the contrary was, and is, considered deviant. However, this is not to imply that doing objectively bad things should be allowed. I am referring to things that are neutral that have been given a bad reputation — resting is bad because you are not doing anything and being lazy; doing something for fun is bad because it is not productive; running around is bad because little girls should be seen and not heard, and so on and so forth.
The trouble with wounds is that we continue to be hurt. Another problem with unhealed wounds that are not recognised is that they get passed down to the next generation or other people, who in turn will get hurt. Hurting people hurt, and God does not want us to hurt or be hurt. I see this gospel passage as a call for us to examine our own pasts and find out what is hurting us, so that God can heal us of our wounds and fill our hearts with the Love that we have been craving and missing out on.
Whenever we find ourselves judging someone else’s behaviour (that is neither criminal nor mortally sinful), we should stop and ask ourselves if it is because we had been unfairly denied this in the past, and cannot bring ourselves to enjoy it without feeling self-critical and are, therefore, critical of someone else who dares indulge in it. Then we need to ask if this behaviour is in fact bad? Why do I judge parents who do not physically punish their children? Is it really bad if parents don’t do that? After all, I grew up being caned and I turned out just fine. Or did I? Why do I judge this mum who spends so much time on hair appointments and manicures? She should be at home with her children or running errands for her family. That’s what I do because that is what my mother did as well…and we turned out fine. Or did we? Why do I judge my children for lying around reading books and playing all day instead of studying or doing the housework like I used to? I turned out fine. Or did I?
All of us are wounded. Some of us are wounded much more severely than others. These wounds and hurts are shown up in the way we judge and criticize other people because we were never allowed to relax, we were always required to earn love and affection, to do the right thing to avoid a punishment. When we see others rightfully taking care of themselves, feeling secure in the love surrounding them, we get resentful. Instead of wallowing in resentment and self pity, perhaps we should take all this pain to prayer. Leave all this at the foot of the cross. God is waiting for us to unburden ourselves, and for us to see ourselves the way He sees us. We never need to win His approval or earn His love. Nothing we do or say can make Him love us more or less. We need to let ourselves be loved unconditionally. We need to believe that we are loved unconditionally, simply because we exist.
My fellow sisters and brothers in Christ, we all have a beam in our eye and chips on our shoulders. Look back with gentleness, and see what is hurting us. This way, we can let go of our pain and start to heal. We can begin to let ourselves just simply be loved.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Felicia Zou)
Prayer: Ever loving Father, we thank You for our very being. We thank You for the gifts You have given to us, especially the gift of life and the gift of love. We ask Your forgiveness each time we have failed to love ourselves and others. We want to come to You now and abide in Your loving presence, because we know You are God.
Thanksgiving: Dear Lord, we thank you for Your patience and Your love for all of us.
OXYGEN 
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