15th Sunday in Ordinary Time
Isa 55:10-11
Rm 8:18-23
Mt 13:1-23
“…so the word that goes from my mouth does not return to me empty, without carrying out my will…”
Lately, I have been pondering a lot about what God intends for me to do here on Earth. He gives us all gifts, and it is our job to put it to good use to spread His Word or be an example of God’s love to others. I think I may have an idea of what He wants me to do, but I feel like I am waiting for something. I am waiting and worrying. I know that I should give all these to God and just forge ahead, but somehow, I feel a little paralysed with fear, which leads me to inaction.
Then I read today’s Gospel and it says, “from anyone who has not, even what he has will be taken away”, and I recalled the parable of the talents and maybe this is God’s forewarning to me. God has a mission, a purpose, and He will see it through. Whether that is to be done through me or not is something only I can take on. If He is giving me a mission to fulfill His purpose and I reject it, then it is on me, not Him. I read the Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware, and the sad truth is that a lot of people retire and grow old in their days, questioning what they did their entire lives which fulfilled any sort of higher purpose and sadly, a lot of the responses are in the negative. A lot of people pass on with regrets of unfulfilled purposes, and the feeling they could have done something more with their lives.
So then, what am I afraid of? Initially I was afraid I would be too late in the game to do something. But I know that so many of the Bible characters started late on in their lives. Age is not a factor for God. And then I surmised that I was afraid of criticism, of what people would say, and the uncertainty of things. But as today’s second reading shows, the first disciples of Jesus had no idea either what they were doing, except that they had to do it because that was what God had tasked them to do. They did not focus on popularity or criticism, but rather on the end game, “the glory to be revealed for us”. They were cognizant that the road would not be easy, but were willing to focus beyond the present difficulties, seeing these only as temporary obstacles. One would think that as the first disciples with direct contact with Jesus, things might have been easier or clearer for them. On the contrary, they too, were faced with the same pains, if not more, of fulfilling God’s work.
Which brings me back to the first reading for today — that what God has willed, God will bring to fruition. If God has willed that He will use you or me to do something, then we should hold faith that He has already seen it through to the end — He already knows what the end will be — that either way, it will be done. So, what else do I have to fear? I am probably one of those that Jesus spoke about in the Gospel, who lets ‘worldly anxiety’ choke me. Perhaps I am my worst distraction, my worst saboteur, and my worst critic. Perhaps then, what I need most is to pray fervently so that I am not so distracted, that I am unable to hear and act on the Word of God.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Annette Soo)
Prayer: Dear God, I don’t know what I am waiting for — maybe more clarity, less fear, less doubts and anxiety. But I lift these all up to You; please replace these insecurities with clarity and peace that only You can give, that I may see my purpose and have the courage to forge ahead.
Thanksgiving: My Lord, my God, how many times have I failed You because of fear? But each time, You hear me and You lead me back. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for letting me lean on You for courage and wisdom. I don’t know how my Way will be, but I know that You have already gone before me, and You will walk with me to the very end.
OXYGEN 
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