30th Sunday in Ordinary Time
Exo 22:20-26
1 Ths 1:5-10
Mt 22:34-40
“You must love your neighbour as yourself.”
What exactly is love?
Is it the rush of ‘lovey-dovey’ emotions that surge within us when we see someone whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with?
Of course, when we feel the ‘butterflies’ and put on rose-tinted glasses, it’s much easier to love someone.
But how about loving our neighbour when we are hurting, ourselves? Grief is surprisingly isolating. I never knew how lonely it could feel until my godfather passed away recently.
He and I did not have the best relationship. He had hurt me deeply, and over time, we had probably burnt our bridges with each other. Yet, until his last breath, a part of me was still hoping that we would find a way to forgive one another and reconcile. Sadly, that opportunity never came.
When I heard about his passing, I felt numb. So, I did what a good Catholic would do. I prayed for his soul. But afterwards, over the next several weeks, I did not expect to experience a surge of emotions, especially the negative ones — Fear. Hurt. Anger. Regret. Disappointment.
What made it harder was that the people closest to me did not quite know how to accompany me in my grief. Some blamed me for the breakdown of our relationship. Others offered to pray with me or give me a condolence card, but they didn’t fulfil their promises.
No cards. No hugs. No comfort.
I found myself feeling even more alone.
In my unhappiness, I reached out to a friend whom I had not properly spoken to for almost a year. Given how others had responded to my grief, I expected silence. To my surprise, he replied within an hour and agreed to meet me.
During our conversation, I poured out my hurt and frustration. He listened, and then he told me something I had difficulty accepting, He said, “Brenda, going back to the past isn’t helping you. Leave him to the hands and mercy of our Lord. Pray to the Lord to forgive him. When you pray for him, you’re forgiving him too.”
I hated the word ‘forgive’. I was afraid that if I forgave my godfather, I would somehow forget what had happened. I worried that forgiving him would mean allowing myself to be hurt in the same way again by another person.
Yet, forgiveness begins with the decision to stop allowing that hurt to occupy so much space in my heart, and to entrust to God what I cannot change.
There was another memory that stayed with me. During my childhood, I remember attending Mass with him when the hymn “Loving and Forgiving” was sung. Its simple lyrics became familiar to me, and it remained one of my favourite hymns for many years.
Unexpectedly, on the very day he passed away, my own church sang that same hymn during a Mass I attended. I do not know whether it was a coincidence, but the moment stayed with me. Forgiveness was the very thing I was struggling with.
And during that conversation, my friend did something I never expected him to do: he prayed with me. We prayed together the Lord’s Prayer — “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
For the first time since his passing, I realised I was no longer carrying my grief alone. I had reached out to someone, and he had made space for my pain. Through his willingness to listen and pray with me, I’m slowly learning that Jesus does not abandon us in our suffering. Sometimes, He sends someone to walk beside us when we can no longer find our way forward on our own.
I’m also learning to love myself with that same compassion. I can acknowledge my pain without allowing it to define me. I can forgive without forgetting the lessons I have learnt. I can pray for someone without putting myself back into a situation that hurts me.
I hope that one day, I can pay forward my friend’s kindness. To be present for someone who is hurting. To listen without judging. To offer companionship when there are no easy answers. And to pray with someone when they’re struggling to pray alone.
These days, I am coping better. I still remember the hurt this person caused me, but I am slowly learning to give more attention to the happier memories we shared. I continue to pray for his soul and entrust him to God’s mercy. I may never receive the reconciliation I once hoped for, but I can still choose how I carry this loss in my heart.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Brenda Khoo)
Prayer: Dear Jesus, help us to recognise that we are all sinners, and we are all in need of Your divine mercy. Help us to remember that we are called to love beyond the limits of our own hurts. Help us to choose prayer over anger, to surrender our unanswered questions to You, and to let You work in the places of our heart that are still hurting. Teach us to pray, even when we find it difficult to do so. Amen.
Thanksgiving: Loving God, we thank You for helping us to choose to leave room for love, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness; even in our own brokenness. Amen.
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