Saturday of Week 30 in Ordinary Time
Phi 1:18-26
Lk 14:1,7-11
“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the man who humbles himself will be exalted.”
As I write this and try to understand what He is telling me; I am struggling. Struggling with every inch of my body to come up with any glimmer of understanding, revelation, if not consolation. Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go your way? It has been weeks of challenges and difficulties. Putting pen to paper proverbially is not yielding me any joy, any insights that I can share. Instead, I am angry and tired, and just want to escape to a beach resort where my only thought is what to order for ‘happy hour’.
As I shared my struggles with a wiser, more mature brother in Christ, his advice was direct. Stop asking God ‘why’ — He doesn’t owe you an answer. Ask what He’s trying to show you in this season; ask what He wants of you here and now. Those are the questions and answers you might get and profit from. It’s true — I had fallen back to my old ways of always questioning God in difficult situations, not trusting Him to love me enough to want what’s best for me.
Today’s reading from St Paul’s the letter to the Philippians really hammers it home. St Paul wrote these letters whilst imprisoned and possibly, facing execution. Yet what does he write? “Life to me, of course, is Christ , but then death would bring me something more.” (Philippians 1:21) He doesn’t know if he will be released or executed, but he remains faithful that whatever the outcome he wishes, Christ will be honoured. St Paul entrusts the outcome to God rather than defining success as escape from suffering. Unlike St Paul — whose faith in our Lord is so great — I have surely failed in these last months. I have defined my suffering (minute as it is) as God testing me and punishment for my lack of prayers. I have gotten upset with my own tiredness and refusal to be more compassionate.
Uncomfortable as it is to admit, I am also angry that I feel my feeble service goes unrecognised by my family and those around me. I had exalted myself to the front of the table instead of humbly accepting the lowest place. I expected accolades and praise from my loved ones for doing so much for the family and, like the Pharisee in Luke 14, I put myself right at the top thinking I had earned it.
Through His gentle prodding at a retreat over a weekend, I was led to 2 Cor 12:9 — “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness”. Did I ask God for His grace to serve with love and the strength to do it unendingly? I thought I did; but I knew — and so did God — I slogged with my usual human determination to do things, to fix things. I also still struggle with the need for recognition for effort and hard work. Today, Jesus encourages us to be content with what seemingly is “lowly and least”. Often, it is in the small and seemingly insignificant gifts of everyday life where we may experience the greatest love, joy, peace, and contentment. I don’t know if I will get there, but I intend to keep trying for that is our Christian faith — eternal hope in the Risen Lord.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Julia Lim)
Prayer: My Jesus, I am sorry for all the times I seek to be exalted and honoured instead of wanting to honour and glorify you. Help me remember that without your grace, I can neither do nor accomplish anything. Please help me see that I don’t have to keep doing to be loved, or keep working in hope of validation. Keep me close to You so that I may abide in You always.
Thanksgiving: Jesus, thank you for your grace; your reminder at the retreat that I am Loved! I don’t need to, and shouldn’t exalt myself, for you know everything and see everything. Help me to choose You always in life and death.
Leave a Reply