Thursday of Week 23 in Ordinary Time
1 Cor 8:1-7,11-13
Lk 6:27-38
“…for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate.”
My father-in-law is dying. He has been declining since Christmas, battling first dementia and more recently, cancer. I think we were all in denial, which is why this hits so hard now. Nobody actually thought that he was going to die. We kept falling behind, but we were also constantly hopeful that each new doctor’s appointment would be the herald of a turning point for the better. Things really began to deteriorate in the last two weeks, and at a terrifying speed. The doctors have since told us there is nothing left for them to do. Chemotherapy is not an option because of his age and frailty. Even doing a biopsy was a huge risk because nobody was quite sure he would wake from the anaesthesia. So we are bringing him home, to finish his last days surrounded by family.
Years ago, in my hubris, I reached for the high ideal of Norman Rockwell’s perfect Thanksgiving. I thought that if I worked hard enough, my husband (who has done so much for this family) could have a living version of “Freedom From Want” – smiling faces at a dinner table, and family gathered in the spirit of love and goodwill. I now know that is an illusion, a piece of propaganda for impressionable minds to reach for. There is no such thing as a family that has no resentment or jealousy or enmity. We would not be asked to forgive, love, and be merciful if there were not wounds and hurts TO forgive. It all exists, hand in hand.
Nobody will hurt you quite like family. Even more so, if you have poured time, generosity, love and compassion into them. Yet Scripture very clearly tells us that “…if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?… But rather, love your enemies and do good to them… for God himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as also your Father is merciful”. It seems I am not to wallow in my wounds and my self-righteous indignation. I am supposed to be ‘merciful’, though mercy and forgiveness are the farthest things I feel right now.
My father-in-law has come home to die. When I finally brought him home today, he was weeping, so relieved was he to be back in familiar surroundings. It pains me to see him so reduced. I spent the day in hospital, listening to his mind unspool his memories, flitting from remembering to delirium and back again. I am in a rage at how neglectful some family members have been as he battled his illnesses. But what good does all that anger do? They are not going to change. And if I confront them, what would that achieve? They are not going to feel accountability. You cannot force accountability on people who refuse it. That is how they are built. And I have to find some way to accept it, forgive it, and move on.
Perhaps that is the message of today’s Scripture – be merciful, just as also your Father is merciful, because what good would vengeful justice achieve? People aren’t going to change. At this late juncture, as he lies breathing his last, is it really about my pointless indignation? Don’t I owe it, not just to my dying father-in-law and my husband, but also to God, to lay down my enmity, and allow the family, and myself, to grieve?
(Today’s OXYGEN by Sharon Soo)
Prayer: We pray for all who are dealing with terminal illnesses and their families. Because when one family member suffers, the whole family suffers along, and fractures can break a family, if forgiveness is not forthcoming.
Thanksgiving: We give thanks for all those who work in hospice, who do the difficult work of easing a family’s journey at the last mile. God gave us angels to guide us at the end. I am grateful for everyone He sent to us, to help us navigate these difficult last few weeks.
OXYGEN 
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